It’s hard being unemployed.

I quit my job about 2 months ago. I was so bored in the office that I could no longer bear 3 hours of journey to and fro work just to sit there and surf net or twiddle my fingers. It took me a while to make up my mind, considering the economy but I was confident that it was the right thing to do. I was unhappy and had been unhappy with this job. Being unhappy for more than 6 months is a long time and mine was much longer than that. So I told myself, I only have one life to live, should I die tomorrow, I want to have lived today.Since quitting my job, I have taken up a few past times. I have put in more hours in my piano practice. It has been my ambition to know how to play piano decently. I have also started exercising, despite the fact that I still complain about the weather. I am starting to rebuild my interest in baking and at the same time starting a new short online course on Jane Austen. All is well and with such a fulfiling life, who needs a job?

My only insecurity is when I have to meet with acquaintances and having to explain what I’ve been up to. I find it difficult to justify why I am not working. Shouldn’t everyone work? What should I fill in as my occupation in those routine forms that one has to fill in when you apply for anything? Well, so far I have been able to manage it well. I find enough in me to keep myself on the ground. But how long could I manage this evil called ‘peer pressure’? I am so angry at myself, not because I am not living up to others’ expectations, but why am I succumbing to ‘peer pressure’? But then, is it really just peer pressure? Shouldn’t everyone work anyway? Regardless of whether you are happy or whether you actually need a job?Then, there’s also another important question, how do I measure myself? I am not a professional anymore, so exactly what do I do as a person? I mean, what do I tell people what I do besides that I enjoy playing piano at home and like baking and I enjoy doing nothing, for now anyway? So how does one measures success aside from their career achievements? Granted that I have no other talent whatsoever. Should I care? After all, why should I bother if I only have myself to answer to? At the time of writing, I also just suffered another panic attack, should I be zealously looking for a job?I am still finding the balance between all the conflicting ideas in my head. I am also reminding myself not to start a job, if I am so lucky to have one given current conditions, if I will end up being unhappy again. I need to get my head right as to what I want to do and not just work, for the sake of working, for the sake of telling others that I have a job and that I contribute to my household. It’s hard and it’s doubly hard when you haven’t got a clue and have no confidence outside your comfort zone. Is that what they called character building? What a fancy name for confidence crisis, but I like it.

One thought on “It’s hard being unemployed.”

  1. I quit my job two years ago. I say I’m retired and then when people look at me quizzically I tell them my age or I simply say I’m a “bum”. Now I get to do things like reading, which hopefully enriches me and volunteer work, doing something I believe in. Unless your family is suffering no explanation is ever needed. Success is leaving each person you come across feeling better or being better off than before you saw them.

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