I quit my job about 2 months ago. I was so bored in the office that I could no longer bear 3 hours of journey to and fro work just to sit there and surf net or twiddle my fingers. It took me a while to make up my mind, considering the economy but I was confident that it was the right thing to do. I was unhappy and had been unhappy with this job. Being unhappy for more than 6 months is a long time and mine was much longer than that. So I told myself, I only have one life to live, should I die tomorrow, I want to have lived today.Since quitting my job, I have taken up a few past times. I have put in more hours in my piano practice. It has been my ambition to know how to play piano decently. I have also started exercising, despite the fact that I still complain about the weather. I am starting to rebuild my interest in baking and at the same time starting a new short online course on Jane Austen. All is well and with such a fulfiling life, who needs a job?
My only insecurity is when I have to meet with acquaintances and having to explain what I’ve been up to. I find it difficult to justify why I am not working. Shouldn’t everyone work? What should I fill in as my occupation in those routine forms that one has to fill in when you apply for anything? Well, so far I have been able to manage it well. I find enough in me to keep myself on the ground. But how long could I manage this evil called ‘peer pressure’? I am so angry at myself, not because I am not living up to others’ expectations, but why am I succumbing to ‘peer pressure’? But then, is it really just peer pressure? Shouldn’t everyone work anyway? Regardless of whether you are happy or whether you actually need a job?Then, there’s also another important question, how do I measure myself? I am not a professional anymore, so exactly what do I do as a person? I mean, what do I tell people what I do besides that I enjoy playing piano at home and like baking and I enjoy doing nothing, for now anyway? So how does one measures success aside from their career achievements? Granted that I have no other talent whatsoever. Should I care? After all, why should I bother if I only have myself to answer to? At the time of writing, I also just suffered another panic attack, should I be zealously looking for a job?I am still finding the balance between all the conflicting ideas in my head. I am also reminding myself not to start a job, if I am so lucky to have one given current conditions, if I will end up being unhappy again. I need to get my head right as to what I want to do and not just work, for the sake of working, for the sake of telling others that I have a job and that I contribute to my household. It’s hard and it’s doubly hard when you haven’t got a clue and have no confidence outside your comfort zone. Is that what they called character building? What a fancy name for confidence crisis, but I like it.